From my Diary: Obligation, Time and Motherhood

27/09/11

I was torn whether to go to a Guide meeting or head home, my heart wanted to be in my own home, no matter how messy, but I felt an obligation to go to a meeting. Guiding is something I'm pleased to have a break from, I think I enjoy it but I'm starting to wonder whether I would prefer the free time. I feel guilty when I'm not doing it, rather like my first aid training.

We went to bed quite late and lay in the dark talking and laughing, there will never be enough time together just chatting. In my ideal work we'd have our own business or both work from home, not side by side every minute of the day but to know I could just walk through and see him and eat with him.

I read and listen to other peoples' stories of motherhood, I try to disconnect myself from it, to enjoy the here and now and not wish my life away, but I'm impatient and I want to experience life, to really experience it. Perhaps this is the lesson in patience and control I need.