Soothe and Shock

Office day morning, get up, get ready, get out the house, rush, rush, rush, drive through the city, into the office. Computer on, then the kettle and wait, wait for the water to boil. Listening to the hissing and bubbling as we stand and chat, finally a chance to pause and think about the day ahead. That first mouthful of coffee – bliss as the warm coffee both soothes and awakens.

This past week I’ve had consumed plenty of coffee, the soothing and shocking I seem to need to feel, to get my day off to a jolt has made me wonder. Do I really want to be doing this every day for the rest of my life? The same thing, always the same thing, interrupted only by coffee.

This week has been different though, I’ve had a lot of coffees in places I love much more than the office; in bed, in our favourite cafes, in another city and in my garden in the sun. I also had some great company too and room to speak and also just to think. The people in whose company you are free to speak your mind and to sit and think are the people who will pull you through.

Somewhere amongst all of the questions I’ve been asking recently is a foggy answer, it’s not entirely clear yet but it seems there’s something out there just beyond my vision. I don’t know how long until it clears enough for me but I feel like it’s going to happen. I’m just waiting to reach my hand out and grasp whatever it is.

If you were here I would question you about your day and your routine and whether you were happy with it. I would probably talk and talk to you trying to unload some of the thoughts and questions and hope that you could make some sense out of them.

Truthfully though a true friend isn’t going to tell me what I should do, they’d know I already know the answer, tell me just to grasp it, but sadly the time isn’t right yet.

So I’ll travel to the office today and then I’ll pause and wait for the kettle to boil, daydreaming about what could be and what may be.

{Linking up for Virtual Coffee at Amy’s}

Daily, Weekly, Monthly, Yearly, Routine

I wake up to the alarm every week day, Monday to Friday, a few minutes of local radio, then silence, drifting off, again the radio, a quick warm sleepy cuddle and again until it’s so late that I have to haul myself out of bed, into the shower. I’ve laid my clothes out the night before, every night Sunday to Thursday, a nightly chore; pants, bra, socks, vest top, the cardi I leave until the morning – always trying to break the rule a little.

We drive to work, I’m awake by the time I get into the car, always rushed, occasionally I manage breakfast, often it’s chocolate or yoghurt. It’s nice this drive, I’m always happy to commute together, it’s like a division between work and home, any home business dealt with on the way to work and any work stresses consoled on the way home, a kind of grey zone between the two parts of my life, the part that I enjoy and the part that pays for the everything.

 

 

I’m kind of disappointed when I get to the office it’s another day at the desk, the best part is chatting round a pot of coffee for those that are worth chatting too. The rest of the day my mind wanders, why can’t I ever focus, why can I think of so many other things that I’d rather be doing. Why am I so attached to the financial aspects of the job.

I’m lucky, so very lucky, I have a lot of self-respect, I’m happy with my body, but I can’t manage to make the changes needed to enjoy the time I spend out of the house during the day. There’s so much potential to make it work but my heart is longing for something else, if only I could understand what it is.